Chapter One.
I’m at the beach right now. The lake looks just as green as it does during the day. I like coming down and just sitting here listing to the waves. I feel like I can escape here even though I’m not really away from home. I couldn’t take the crap my boyfriend was giving me about me about how I was “flirting” with my best friend Nick for the 10th time. It just makes me so mad that he thinks I would do that to him. But now I am just sitting on the sand with my feet in the water and just running my fingers in the sand; it helps me cool down. It’s been about an hour and I checked my phone. It’s now an quarter to until 11, and I hear my phone buzz. It’s my boyfriend. James; he’s calling me for about the twelve time after I told him to stop calling. But this time I answer it.
“Stop calling. I don’t want to hear it right now.”
Right when I’m about to press end I heard James call out wait really loud.
“What?” I ask.
“Just let me say sorry.”
“For what? I think you already said enough.”
“Ali, just let me say sorry. For accusing you. I just get jealous because I feel like you’ve been spending more time with him ever since basketball season started. And now I never get to see you. Ali…I love you.”
This is the first time he said I love you. I never thought he would ever tell me that. I just thought this relationship was just for fun, I never thought it would be this serious. It’s silent for a second.
“Ali I didn’t think I would love you the way I do but I couldn’t help but fall for you the way I did.”
It’s still silent for a second. I want to tell him I love him to but it seems like I can’t get it out of my mouth into words. My stomach is in a not. I never thought a guy would say I love you to me let alone him even though we have been going out for about 6 months. Finally I mumble the words,
“I love you too.”
I can hear him getting excited now.
“Ali I’m sorry I didn’t want to make you mad because I was, I just am so busy lately it’s just hard for me to see you with nick all the time because it makes me feel like you are going out with another guy that I don’t know about.”
“James that would never ha-“
James cuts me off.
“I know it won’t it’s just the thought. Forgive me?”
“Of course. Hey what are you doing right now?”
“Nothing on the computer buying songs off itunes, why?”
“Do you want to come over? My family is having a dinner party with all their friends and I’m in my back yard on the beach. We have time right now to see each other.”
“Sure I’ll be over there in 5.
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My initial impression is that James has got to go. Your main character is getting sucked back into an unhealthy relationship just because James pulled out the "I love you" while she was upset. I've got my money on Nick -- I'd like to see more of his character in the chapters to come.
ReplyDeleteI agree with what Ms. Reagles said, but I also think that James could turn the jealousy around and still be a really good guy. It was a really good story though I loved it!
ReplyDeleteThat was really good Julia. I love the plot line and the whole story made sense after I read more (Chapter 2). Also there is only a few grammatical errors. Good job!
ReplyDeleteI agree with Mrs. Reagle too. Jame sounds like a jerk and doesn't deserve Ali at all.
ReplyDeleteI also think that you kinda of rushed into the story too fast, because all we know that happened was that Ali was flirting with another guy but is that really the only reason why James was mad?