This is my blog. Started as school to create anything you want it to be. Just like in Freedom Writers. I just watched the movie and seemed inspired. Though this my sound pathetic and my sister would laugh, but to me it's something to look for. Though I can a sure you no one in my class or even school has been on this since the last time we where forced but to me this is something to get out of my head. Like something you really need to tell but can't just tell anyone. Like how my mother is brutally sick with Huntington disease, That is something I wouldn't just tell anyone at my age of 14 going into Freshman year. But to this is like a diary you are dying for someone to read but no one every really does. This thing will probably last me 2 days tops but this is something i need to tell someone but just can't. Like how I had a dream of how god gave my mom 24 hours just live without her disease. I don't remember my mom with out it so to me this was a mirical. It showed me hope of maybe being a cure for this but I know there probably wont be. To me this is just like something I don't know. It just gave me reassurance that my mom is still there and loves me. Like how My mom can't speak because of her medicine holds her joints to help control her motions but when she struggle as hard as she could to "scream" literary just made me burst into tears because my mom was still there even though she doesn't live with me but with other people with struggles. To recall this moment makes me feel upset and tearful now but This is a moment I wont ever forget Though that made me happy I can't stop but to feel this sad pain inside to just have her back, I am use to all of this how she sin't home it just isn't the same. I just want a mother. Not just any but mine 'cause I know for fact she wants her daughters back too. This to me is a sign for god. I don't believe ever getting one but I can believe this is one from him. telling me that my mom still loves me and always will. Though my grandpa die from this disease at the age of 56 I believe and This disease grows bigger and more controll over the years of life you live and the older the harder my mom will fight through this. I don't know how much longer she has until gone because she is only 47 But the medicine is has been more effective It worries me for what my future holds my mom wont be able to experience it with me. That is what I am afriad of the most. Not spiders or getting caught with something I regret but nothing having my mother live her life with me and how we both want it to go and how we control it. That's the ting. You can never control something in life and that's what I want because if i could This si number one of what I would change in this world. Is not jsut my suffer but other people suffers. Though this might not have effect on anyone But this has effect on me and how i life and how i get my emotions out because to me this is my drainage that i need to release. This isn't my only problem. Oh god no I have a ton more but this letting it out just makes me feel better. Casue I have a bunch on the top of my head. Like my weight, love, My friends and ect. But this one hurts one of the most because not everyone has or feels the same pain as you do.
To this might not seem like something you want to live for. But having that smige of hope keeps me holding strong. Hope is what life is living for.
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